Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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