I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize