I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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