I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
