Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
