Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
