so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
