so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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