normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my shit smells like andre
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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