Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
