It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
