I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
