He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
