How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
