i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
