she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
