every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am naked and annoyed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
