I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
