I wanna bring you to show and tell
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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