Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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