I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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