Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
