worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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