I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize