Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
