I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My feet surprised me
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