I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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