I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
