So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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