glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize