Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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