All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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