So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just google imaged poop.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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