sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
