Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
