please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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