i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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