I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
