spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
