Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
