I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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