I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
