Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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