I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
