I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
