im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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