the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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