After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
