I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
