I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
