if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
