i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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