If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
