I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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