Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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