Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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