i already hear my dad disowning me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
