You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
