Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Too much gin, very little bucket
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
