He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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