First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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