Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
