she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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