96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
