I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
