Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
