sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
