shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
