About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
