i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
