I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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