Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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