The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was born a porn star she said
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
