The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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