I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize